The writer of the book of Proverbs was concerned that his son conduct himself wisely with members of the opposite sex, and that he use good judgment in his search for a wife. That choice would have a significant impact on his life and future happiness, and therefore he must exercise wisdom to search for an excellent wife. In the final chapter of the book, we find an alphabetic acrostic poem that gives a description of just such a wife. She is called “a virtuous woman,” “an excellent woman,” “a worthy woman,” and “a wife of noble character” in various Bible translations. This hard-to-find woman must be trustworthy (v.11-12), hard-working (v.13-15), shrewd (v.16), strong (v.17), industrious (v.18-19), generous (v.20), and well-prepared (v.21-22). She must have a good reputation (v.23), correct priorities (v.24-25), and self-control (v.26-27), be worthy of honor (v.28-29), and demonstrate the fear of Yahweh (v.30). But this passage contains more than a mere description of the “ideal” woman, it gives us insight into God’s plan and purpose for all marriages.
God intends for a young man to seek out a wife of godly character. This is implied in v.10: “Who can find a wife of noble character?” This speaks to the young man who is yet unmarried and tells him what sort of woman he ought to be pursuing. If this kind of woman is on his radar, then he will not likely be deceived by the immoral woman and dragged down into her pit. Let me remind you again of the desperate case of the man who marries a contentious and angry woman (Prov. 21:9,19), or the woman who refuses to submit to her husband’s leadership (27:15-16), or the kind of women who rob a man of his strength and ruin kings (31:3). Character counts, especially in marriage!
Then in v.11-12 we see that God intends for a husband to trust his wife, and for a wife to earn that trust. A wife ought to give her husband no reason to doubt her faithfulness and loyalty as she exercises diligence and business acumen, shows generous kindness toward others, and even achieves personal success. In fact, all of those things ought to enable her husband to live successfully himself without fear about the state of things at home or whether his wife will reward him with harm rather than help. This is because she understands and accepts her God-given role as her husband’s helper and soul-mate, and instead of chafing under his leadership and always looking for an “out,” she embraces her position and fulfills it with enthusiasm and excellence. In all this, her husband is not to be threatened by her skill and achievements but is to be completely at peace with her and confident that her flourishing will bring overall success to the entire family, including himself. When marriage works as it was designed by God, there is a great deal of mutual trust and respect between husbands and wives.
After all of the description of her diligence and productivity, we read in v.28-31 that God intends for a husband (and children) to bless his wife with praise. A healthy marriage is not simply one in which there is mutual trust and respect, but where there is vocal praise and honor demonstrated personally and publicly. Notice what the husband says in front of their children: “Many women have done noble deeds, but you surpass them all!” He praises his wife, making favorable comparisons with other successful women, letting her know how much he appreciates her hard work and accomplishments, and setting an example for his children. And not only that, but according to v.31, the godly husband will allow his wife to appreciate the fruits of her labors, and that includes being recognized in the city gates. His praise should not be expressed merely in private, but he ought to use whatever position he has to ensure that she receive credit and honor from others as well.
Whatever else we may learn from studying the “Proverbs 31 woman,” we should see a beautiful example of marriage as God intended in the beginning: a man pursues a wife of godly character, encourages his wife to make the most of her talents and abilities, and praises her profusely and publicly for her accomplishments. For her part, the wife exemplifies the fear of the Lord and so distinguishes herself as a crown to her husband in whom his heart can safely trust.