“Moreover, it is required of stewards that they be found faithful.” (1 Corinthians 4:2)
Was Paul thinking about biblical parenting when he wrote those words? Most certainly not. He begins 1 Corinthians 4 speaking of his own calling as a servant of Christ and steward or minister of the mysteries of God. In other words, he is focusing on the gospel mission to which he had been called when he was converted and how his primary responsibility is not to impress the Corinthians but to serve in such a way that he will receive praise from Jesus Christ at his second coming. To do so Paul knew he must be faithful to preach Christ and avoid the kind of tribalism which was tearing apart the Corinthian church.
So why did this verse come to mind when I was developing a message recently for a baby shower? Because the principle of faithful steward-ship is foundational to biblical parenting. In order for us to have the right approach to raising children, we must understand that our children do not belong to us. Of course, they do not belong to the state, either, or to the church. No, children belong to God who created them, and he has entrusted them to their parents. Each one is an image-bearer of God, and we who are parents will one day stand before the Lord and give account of our stewardship.
This ought to be a sobering reality. We do not answer chiefly to the government or our own families or churches but to God. He will evaluate our parenting according to his perfect standard (which means we will all fail, of necessity). But this ought to drive us to our knees, confessing our dependence on his grace. Parenting is, like every other circumstance and relationship in life, intended by God for our good. He means to transform us into the image of his Son, even more than he wants us to produce righteous and successful offspring. So here are a few thoughts on what it means to be faithful stewards as parents.1
Be Faithful to God
Maintain your personal walk with him through Scripture and prayer. Life gets busy when you have kids. If you think you’re busy now, just wait until you have a child, and if God blesses you with more than one the complexity is exponential. With one child you tag team and give each other a break; two means you play man-to-man. By the third you’re outnumbered and have to switch to zone defense. After that you just get used to the chaos, so four or more is just numbers. Children definitely make it more difficult to continue to have regular fellowship with God, especially for mothers. But having children also means you’ll need that time with the Lord even more, so keep at it, even when you fall short.
Regular attendance and participation in congregation life are not tedious obligations but islands of refreshment in the hectic sea of life with kids.
Make your church’s regular meetings a priority for you and your family. I am not suggesting that you must be at church every time the doors are open. No one can do everything or be involved in every activity, even in a small church like Emmanuel. But coming to Sunday gatherings and midweek meetings is vital for establishing relationships with brothers and sisters in Christ. Every member of the body is necessary for health and growth (cf. Romans 12:4-5; Ephesians 4:16), which means that even busy and exhausted parents have a part to play in the ministry of the church. Do not view this as a legalistic mandate or a spiritual life-hack. You are not guaranteed to grow merely by showing up at church more often, and three-to-thrive is not a meaningful strategy for spiritual maturity.2 Regular attendance and participation in congregation life are not tedious obligations. Instead of looking at church meetings that way, choose to see them as islands of refreshment in the hectic sea that is life with kids.
Be Faithful to Each Other
Make intimacy a priority in your marriage. Have fun with each other. Remember why you chose each other in the first place and make time to play together. Parenting is serious business, as we have already noted. You will give account someday to the Lord, yet you should not let the sobriety of your responsibility cause you to take yourselves too seriously. Regular lovemaking is a pleasurable and powerful way to strengthen your marital bond. That’s not always easy to do, especially as your children grow older, but a little creative planning can go a long way here. Put on public displays of affection every day in front of your kids. Let them know that your spouse comes first in the family, and mom and dad are madly in love with each other.
Present a unified front to your children. When it comes to discipline, it is vital that you support one another. Set rules together and then back each other up. Consult with your spouse before giving your kids an answer, or ask them, “What did mom/dad say?” Never undermine the other’s authority, even when you disagree with a decision. Remember, you’re in this together for God’s glory!
Parenting requires us to put to death the idols of comfort, ease, and personal happiness.
Be Faithful to Your Kids
Put their needs ahead of your own. Now this might seem to conflict with what I said previously about prioritizing your own relationship to God and helping kids to know that your spouse comes first in the family, but there’s no contradiction. Parenting is an exercise is self-sacrifice, and we must be willing to die daily for our kids. We must put to death laziness and apathy, which often cause us to let sin and misbehavior slide. We must put to death the idols of comfort, ease, and personal happiness in order to make decisions for the long-term good of our children. Those decisions can sometimes be difficult and lead to short-term stress and conflict, but they will often yield long-term benefits in our children and the home. Let God use your children and the responsibility of parenting to mold you increasingly into the image of Jesus Christ.
Pray for your kids. The one thing our children need most need is the very thing we are completely unable to give: a personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ his Son. We simply have no power whatsoever to effect the change of heart that is necessary to bring this about. You can and must teach them to respect the authority God has established in the world – this begins with your authority as their parent – but God is the only one who can take captive their hearts. It is only as they yield their hearts to him, that our kids will thrive in life and eternity, so as you teach them to listen and obey, be sure to pray for their hearts to turn to the Lord.
There is much more that could be said, but my wife asked me to be brief. As parent-stewards we have been given the awesome privilege of caring for and training the next generation of God’s image-bearers. Because we are merely stewards and not our children’s creators or owners, we cannot determine the final outcome of our children’s lives. We must be faithful to God and leave the results in his hands.
1 These really apply to Christian parents, although they may still offer some benefit to non-Christians. By definition, if you are a not a Christian, you cannot please God in any meaningful sense (cf. Hebrews 11:6). You may raise your children to be trusted and productive members of society, but apart from faith in Christ they, and you, will be lost in sin.
2 The expression “three-to-thrive” is one I’ve heard used before to describe the faithful church member who attends church Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night.
