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Instructions for Young Moms

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In Titus 2 Paul wrote a series of instructions which Titus was to teach to the church. These were not a set of one-size-fits-all expectations, but principles customized to meet the needs of five different groups within the churches. It actually begins with Titus himself, who is to “speak the things which are proper for sound doctrine.” As the missionary church-planter, Titus was responsible to make sure his teaching was wholesome and helpful, and then he was to instruct each group in turn, beginning with the older men, older women, young women, young men, and slaves. Since we are considering the NT teaching on marriage and specifically the roles and duties of husbands and wives, we will look only at what Titus was to teach the young women in v.4-5, because these verses address the subject of marriage and family. Here is an excerpt from a message I preached in 2017 on these two verses:

As we consider these verses, it is important for us to take note of the grammar here. What we have in v.4-5 are two dependent clauses. In other words, this is not a complete sentence, but these clauses are hanging on the earlier instructions to Titus beginning in v.1. Just like with the older men and women, Paul’s instructions concerning how the young women are to behave are the product of Titus’ careful teaching of God’s word. So Titus is supposed to teach the older men and the older women who will in turn teach the young women how they ought to behave. The whole package fits together. This is a picture of a functional church family. The pastor preaches God’s word faithfully, and those who ought to be the most mature spiritually – the older men and women – are built up in the faith, healthy, stable, and consistent in godliness, and those mature believers then turn around and teach others to follow in their footsteps.

But what does that look like, especially in the case of the younger women? The first two terms that Paul uses here are very similar to each other, literally, husband-loving and children-loving. Young wives, you are supposed to love your husband, does that sound strange to anyone? Isn’t it kind of natural for wives to love their husbands, especially when they are young and newly married? Well, first of all remember that we are dealing with a very different cultural context. Today the idea of an arranged marriage is totally foreign to us, but in the ancient world nearly all marriages were arranged – women did not choose their own husband. I think we can all see how Paul’s instruction would apply to the women in the churches of Crete, but it’s not just women in arranged marriages who need to learn how to love their husbands. Love isn’t, as one writer put it, a mountain spring that just bubbles up automatically. It takes work and determination, especially in the context of the home and family, as anyone who has been married for any length of time can tell you. So older women, teach the younger ones good things: admonish them to be lovers of their husbands.

And he says the same thing about their relationship toward their children: young mothers, you ought to love your children. We might think that this is automatic, that mothers fall in love with their babies from the first time they see them or even before, as they wait with expectation during the months of pregnancy. But just as it takes work to love your husbands, ladies, it takes work to love your children, and you older women ought to be helping the young ones learn how it’s done. On both of these scores we see our society has turned things around. No longer is a wife supposed to put her husband ahead of herself – she’s supposed to negotiate terms with him so that he doesn’t ask too much of her. And no longer is a mother supposed to pour herself into caring for her children, at least not to the exclusion of her career or personal interests. No, instead her children are to serve as trophies posted on social media so that other women can marvel at her awesomeness and despair of ever measuring up.

Ladies, these two terms in v.4 frame all of Paul’s instructions concerning the behavior and attitudes of young women in the church by setting the priorities, and we must reject the false substitutes offered by the world. With the priorities of husband-loving and children-loving in mind, look at the next two qualities that young women are supposed to learn from the older women. Paul says that you are to be discreet and chaste, or we could put it this way: ladies, you are to be of sound mind and pure. The first word is the same one that Paul used back in v.2 that the NKJV translates temperate. It speaks of stability and strength, being immovable and unchanging, and it is interesting that Paul uses it of the older men in v.2, of the young women here in v.5, and of the young men in v.6. “Why,” you might ask, “does he not use it of the older women? Aren’t they supposed to be stable and steady?” Of course they are. And the word translated admonish in v.4 is in the same family, even though it is not exactly the same word. It’s as though Paul is saying to the older women here, “with sound-mindedness make the young women sound minded.”

Women in the church, those of you who are older ought to be able to discern truth from error, and you ought to be firmly rooted in what is right and good, so that you can help the younger women learn to tell right from wrong and do what is right. This is what Paul has in mind here, and then he says that the young women ought to be chaste, that is, pure, blameless, and innocent. This word is used especially to refer to moral purity, and it was especially important in the 1st century because their society was so immoral and corrupt. Well, I’ve got news for you. The world isn’t getting any better, and we need a serious commitment to moral purity today in the church. Where does it start? Not with the young people, I can assure you. No, if we’re going to have moral purity in the church, it’s got to start with the older men and older women demonstrating an example of discernment and innocence. The older women need to teach young women to be pure, but you can’t teach what you don’t know. So ladies, you need to guard your hearts.

There is more to be said about these verses, so we will share the rest of this message in the next installment.

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