The apostle Paul continues his discussion of marriage in 1 Corinthians 7, turning specifically to the question of divorce:
Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.
1 Corinthians 7:10-11
Paul’s command here regarding marriage and divorce is abundantly clear, and it flies in the face of much of popular thinking on the subject. A wife is not to leave her husband, neither is a husband to send his wife away. In other words, neither spouse is allowed to divorce the other. This command is given “to the married,” that is, the married couples in the church at Corinth. This is the biblical standard, then, for Christian couples, that they are to remain married, neither abandoning the other nor divorcing them. And Paul states plainly that he is simply repeating what Christ himself taught on the subject. This offers confirmation for our interpretation of Jesus’ teaching in the Gospels that marriage was to be a life-long, permanent relationship without the option of divorce. The Christian who has been divorced is to remain single or pursue reconciliation with his or her spouse, and remarriage after divorce is prohibited by Jesus according to the apostle Paul.
But what about when a Christian is married to an unbeliever? Does that change the equation and give them cause for divorce? Paul answers that question next:
But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?
1 Corinthians 7:12-16
Some may be confused by Paul’s introductory remarks here. What does he mean by “to the rest” and “I, not the Lord, say”? Well, the first phrase is contrasted with “to the married” in v.10. He first dealt with those married couples who were both believers in v.10-11, and now he is addressing couples where only one spouse is a Christian. “To the rest” refers not to those who are unmarried but to those married to an unbelieving spouse, presumably as a result of their converting to Christianity as a married person. And when he says, “I, not the Lord,” he’s contrasting it with the instruction concerning married believers in v.10-11 which came directly from Jesus in the Gospels. Since the Lord never addressed this particular issue of a believer who is married to an unbeliever, Paul’s instructions here are not simply a repetition of Jesus’ teaching but represent further revelation that was given to him as an apostle. V.12-16 do not represent Paul’s opinion, nor do they in any way contradict the clear teaching of Christ on the subject.
The principle here is straightforward as well. God has called us to peace, that is, husbands and wives ought to live in harmony with one another, whether they are both believers or only one has been born again. Simply being married to an unbeliever is not grounds for divorce, and the believer ought to do everything in their power to maintain a peaceful relationship at home. But what if your unbelieving husband or wife resents your conversion to Christianity, refuses to live in peace, and wants to get a divorce? First of all, Paul indicates that this decision should always be made by the unbelieving partner and never the Christian spouse, who is to be willing to stay married if possible. But if the unbelieving spouse truly desires to end the marriage, the believer is not compelled to continue the marriage under those circumstances and should let his or her partner go freely. While such an outcome is clearly not preferred, and the outcome is not entirely in his control, a divorce between a believer and an unbeliever ought to be as peaceful and pleasant as the believer can make it.
In any case, it is the testimony of Christ and the gospel which is at stake, and this must be first in the mind of every Christian husband or wife. Apparently, there were some in Corinth who were concerned that the proximity of marriage would place the believer at risk of being defiled by the sins of his unbelieving spouse. To this Paul says that the opposite is, in fact, true. Rather than risking corruption by close association with his unbelieving partner, the Christian actually has a powerful impact for holiness on his unsaved spouse, just as Christian parents do their unbelieving children. If your spouse is not a Christian, you ought to think of your marriage as an opportunity to minister God’s grace in the hope of leading your spouse and your children to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. Peace, gentleness, and an attitude of contentment even in a difficult marriage offer a powerful testimony to your husband or wife and to your kids. You ought to love Christ and your family enough to seek to live in harmony, giving testimony of the gospel’s transforming power to those who know you best. Who knows? You may yet be the instrument of salvation to your unsaved family.