After examining Paul’s teaching in Ephesians 5:22-24 concerning how a wife’s submission to her husband displays her reverence for Christ, we might be tempted to ask: “But what about the husband’s role and responsibility?” Paul explains the duties of a godly husband through the rest of the chapter, and he also uses the husband’s role as an illustration of a greater truth.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.
Ephesians 5:25-27
Just as Paul gave only one command to wives: “submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord,” he gives only one command to husbands. A husband is to love his wife, but what does that mean? Paul compares the love of a husband for his wife with the love that is demonstrated by Christ for the church. Just as Jesus gave himself for the church, literally sacrificing his own life for the church’s sake, so a husband ought to sacrificially give himself for his wife. But Paul goes even further by noting that Christ’s self-sacrifice was not merely that he might obtain the church, as a husband in the ancient world might pay a bride price in order to obtain a wife, but his sacrifice was also intended to purify and cleanse the church. In other words, Christ is interested in the church’s purity and holiness, and his sacrifice was intended to make those qualities a reality in his bride.
There seems to be a correlation in Paul’s mind between the sacrificial love of Christ which makes the church holy and the love of a husband for his own wife. Obviously, Paul is writing this letter to believers, so the husbands Paul has in mind are not unsaved men, but believers who are concerned with obeying and pleasing the Lord. It is important, then, to see that a husband’s love for his wife includes a strong desire for her sanctification, even to the point where he is willing to sacrifice himself in order to help her to be holy. There is no room whatsoever for a husband to lead his wife into sin or rebellion against the Lord. In fact, to truly love his wife, a husband must lead her to purity and holiness, just as Christ continually guides his church into greater conformity to his righteousness. We husbands must be agents of purification toward our wives.
Just as many women have objected to Paul’s command to submit to their own husbands, many men have balked at his command to love sacrificially and lead righteously, but Paul will not allow us to escape so easily. Notice what he says in the next verses:
So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
Ephesians 5:28-32
Here it is, men: when you love your wife sacrificially and lead her into true holiness, you are actually loving yourself. When you got married, you gave up your individual identity, and you must learn to think biblically concerning this fact. Paul even quotes from the book of Genesis to ground his teaching in the first truth concerning marriage in the Bible: God takes two and makes them one. So when you love your wife, you are loving yourself, because she is truly your flesh. This is not a mere potential in marriage, it is the reality according to Scripture. If we would understand rightly the Bible’s teaching on the one-flesh relationship between man and woman in marriage, we husbands would know how to love our wives as Christ loved the church. This shouldn’t even be difficult, because we all love our own bodies and have no problem feeding and clothing ourselves. In fact, we often feed and clothe ourselves too well! But we husbands must love our wives and sacrifice for them, serving them by leading them into holiness, providing and caring for their needs, for they are our body, just as we are their head (v.23).
Now Paul explains that his teaching in this chapter is actually intended to shed light on the relationship between Christ and the church, but he concludes with a clear summary statement:
Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Ephesians 5:33
Both husbands and wives are called to simply obey the word of God in this matter. If a wife should object that her husband is unworthy of respect or a husband should say that his wife is difficult to love, we might respond by simply agreeing that this is surely true. Of course we husbands are unworthy of respect. None of us perfectly obeys God’s word, especially when it comes to sacrificially loving our wives. And of course wives are difficult to love. No wife yet has perfectly submitted to her husband or, for that matter, perfectly revered Christ. But neither of those excuses are any good here. Paul has made it clear that both husbands and wives are to obey the Lord, and our obedience is not contingent on our spouse’s. But let me suggest that since we husbands are called to lovingly lead our wives into holiness, we must take the first step of obedience to Scripture. Love you wife, because she is your body, and so display the great love of Christ for his church.