But if any man thinks he is behaving improperly toward his virgin, if she is past the flower of her youth, and thus it must be, let him do what he wishes. He does not sin; let them marry. Nevertheless he who stands steadfast in his heart, having no necessity, but has power over his own will, and has so determined in his heart that he will keep his virgin, does well. So then he who gives her in marriage does well, but he who does not give her in marriage does better.
1 Corinthians 7:36-38
As we approach the end of the chapter and Paul’s teaching on singleness and marriage, we encounter a passage on which both translations and interpretations vary considerably. The issue centers on the identity of “any man” in v.36, and his relationship to “his virgin.” The traditional explanation is that it is a father and his unmarried daughter, who required her father’s permission in order to marry. In this view, the father has decided his daughter should not get married, possibly for the reasons that Paul mentioned earlier, but he did not reckon with the fact that his daughter may not have the gift of celibacy. In such a case, Paul is saying that the father should feel free to follow through on his commitment as long as he is steadfast in his heart, free to exercise his authority, and is confident that she will be able to remain single without giving in to lust.
Another explanation that seems to fit better with fewer difficulties is that it is a young man and woman who are betrothed, yet for some reason they have decided to delay marriage. In this circumstance, the physical pressures have become too great, and the young man feels he must get married. Paul says in v.36, “let him do what he wishes. He does not sin; let them marry.” All things being equal, there is no biblical reason to delay marriage if you have found a willing partner who is of age and a Christian, especially if there is a risk of being overcome by sexual temptation. Some people prefer long engagements, however, and Paul affirms that a man who is able to control his own desires, has weighed all the factors and decides to postpone marriage (possibly due to the “present distress”) is better than one who marries out of necessity.
Paul closes the chapter by returning to the subject of widows. He has already said in v.8-9 that they should remain single if they can “exercise self-control,” but if not, they may marry. But that is not to say that there is anything wrong with a widow remarrying:
A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. But she is happier if she remains as she is, according to my judgment–and I think I also have the Spirit of God.
1 Corinthians 7:39-40
Paul does not place any restriction on remarriage for widows, only that she must remember that she is a Christian. This seems to be the meaning of the expression “only in the Lord,” rather than that she must marry a believer (although that would be implied). Even widows, though they endure the grief of losing a spouse and the loneliness and hardship that follow, must remember that they belong to the Lord and live for him. Like other unmarried Christians, they should focus on serving God and living with eternity in view, and not on this fleeting world and its desires.
Why does Paul say that the widow will be happier if she remains single rather than being remarried? Because he has already pointed out that marriage brings trouble rather than happiness, and obligation rather than freedom. While a widow is free to remarry, she should realize that a second marriage means entering into another man’s family, and that often brings unique and unforeseen challenges. Therefore, it is Paul’s opinion that she should stay as she is and be content.
Throughout this entire chapter, Paul teaches us to hold marriage in high regard, but to hold service for Christ to be of even greater importance. Rather than seeking merely present happiness, we ought to pursue the eternal weight of glory that comes as a reward for faithfulness to the Lord Jesus. This, more than anything else, ought to direct our thinking about the subject of marriage, singleness, and all their related subjects.