One of the most controversial passages in the NT concerning the relationship of husbands and wives is found in Ephesians 5. The entire chapter is a discussion of the way Christians ought to live as imitators of God: walking in love (v.2), as children of light (v.8), and as wise with respect to the evil day in which we live (v.15-16). Paul concludes with a general exhortation to every believer:
And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another in the fear of God.
Ephesians 5:18-21
As fellow-believers in the church, we ought to reject any worldly influences which would control us and instead be under the direct influence of the Holy Spirit. This will result in our mutual building up of one another by proclaiming God’s truth, especially in song, and by voluntarily placing ourselves under the authority of one another. That last part is the most challenging and controversial, even today, calling us as Christians to submit to the oversight of a local church body. This many professing believers will not do. They reject local church membership and refuse to submit to their fellow saints, and by so doing they demonstrate a lack of reverence for God. This is a serious sin which we must avoid.
But Paul continues on in the remainder of chapter 5 and into chapter 6 discussing several specific points of application of this general principle. These applications go beyond the local church and deal with relationships in the home and family as well as those between Christian slaves and masters. Paul first speaks to Christian wives about their responsibility toward their husbands:
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is the head of the church, and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Ephesians 5:22-24
The principle as Paul states it here is not complicated or obscure. Wives are to submit to their husbands in everything, that is, they are to voluntarily place themselves under his authority. A couple of points must be made, here. First, the word submit does not mean to be under the absolute control of another person, so Paul is not telling wives to be unthinking doormats who simply obey without question anything their husband says. She is seen in this passage as an active, intelligent agent who chooses to place herself under her husband’s authority. Second, she is to submit to her own husband, not to men in general in society or even the church. The act of submission is part of a greater relational bond that exists in marriage, it is not a general principle of male-female relationships. Third, a wife’s submission to her husband is a reflection of her greater submission to Christ. In fact, she is to view herself as a servant of the Lord even as she submits to the leadership authority of her husband.
Paul explains in v.23 that the husband’s role as “head of the wife” is akin to Christ’s role as “head of the church.” In other words, it is not merely arbitrary or based on cultural convention that wives should submit to their own husbands, but it is intended to communicate something about the relationship between Christ and the church. This is a point Paul will make more strongly in the next paragraph, but he simply introduces it here. He also alludes to the fact that husbands have responsibilities toward their wives when he says that Christ “is the Savior of the body,” and he will expand on this topic as well in the next paragraph. But what is clear about the wife’s obligation to submit to her husband is that it is parallel to the relationship between the church and Christ. Just as the body must submit to its head, and the church must submit to Christ, the wife must submit to her own husband in all things. As William Hendriksen aptly summarizes: “The submission of the church to Christ is voluntary, wholehearted, sincere, enthusiastic. It is a submission prompted not only by conviction, ‘This is right and proper because God demands it,’ but also by love in return for Christ’s love. Let the same be true with respect to the submission of wives to their husbands.”
This principle has been abused by some and neglected by others, and faithful Christians should reject both approaches. Submission is not an invitation to abuse, demean, or otherwise mistreat women, but our failure as Christians to rightly practice this at times in the past is not an excuse to “liberate” women from their God-given responsibility. To do either is to twist the very meaning of the word submission as Paul used it in this passage. A wife’s submission is intended to place her under the protective care of her loving husband, to demonstrate her reverence for Christ as Lord, and to illustrate the relationship between the church and Christ. Next we will turn our attention to the role and responsibilities of husbands toward their wives.