After discussing the question of sexual intimacy in marriage in 1 Corinthians 7:1-5, Paul goes on to discuss another topic related to marriage:
But I say this as a concession, not a as a commandment. For I wish that all men were even as myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one I this manner and another in that. But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
1 Corinthians 7:6-9
Going back to the faction in the church at Corinth that preferred celibacy, the apostle Paul says that singleness and celibacy are indeed good and to be preferred, certainly over immorality, but even over marriage. The only caveat is that “each one has his own gift from God,” and therefore, some may be able to handle singleness, while others cannot. This is consistent with Jesus’ teaching in Matt. 19:11-12 that there are some who are eunuchs from birth, others made so by force, and still others who choose celibacy for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. And he concludes by saying, “He who is able to accept it, let him accept it.”
Clearly, singleness and celibacy require a gift of grace that is not possessed by every believer, and so Paul advises those who cannot control themselves that they ought to marry, for marriage is preferable to being consumed with their passions. This does not mean that every 20-something man or woman ought to rush into marriage in order to stave off youthful passions, but it reinforces Paul’s earlier point that marriage is, among other things, a solution to the problem of desire. Marriage is good, but it is not required of Christians. Singleness is also good, but it, too, is not required. If the Lord has given you the grace to be single and celibate, then you ought to use your gift to serve him joyfully and faithfully, but if you do not have the gift to remain single without sin, then you should marry and honor the Lord by satisfying your sexual desires within that proper context. And how can you tell whether you have the gift to remain single? David Lowery puts it succinctly when he says, “if one lacks sexual control, he does not have the gift of celibacy, and should marry.”
Now there is one point of controversy about v.8-9 that needs to be addressed before we move on. In v.8 Paul specifically identifies two groups he is addressing with his comments about remaining single if you can and marrying if you cannot, “the unmarried” and “the widows.” Who are these two groups, and how does their identity affect our understanding of Paul’s teaching here? Well, there are different opinions about them. Some have suggested that the unmarried (a term that is in the masculine gender in the Greek) refers to widowers in parallel to the clear reference to widows in the same verse. In that case, Paul would be advising widows and widowers to remain single as long as they could do so with self-control. Others note that the term unmarried occurs elsewhere in the chapter and is distinguished from both the widows (v.8) and virgins (vv.25,34). John MacArthur thus concludes, “The term unmarried indicates those who were previously married, but are not widows; people who are now single, but are not virgins. The unmarried woman, therefore, is a divorced woman.” If this identification is correct, then Paul is basically recommending that divorcees and widows remain single as long as they can be celibate, but if they cannot, they ought to remarry. Still, G. G. Findlay contends that the masculine term unmarried in v.8 refers to single men, which explains Paul’s use of the feminine term virgins in v.25 and following. If that identification is correct, then Paul is cautioning single men and widows (two groups which would have had the freedom to determine their own state with regard to marriage) against rushing into marriage, and he will address the case of single women who were not self-directing later in the chapter.
Some would see these verses as allowing for remarriage after divorce if one is unable to remain celibate in peace, but is that really justified? It seems to me that it is inconclusive at best from the evidence at hand. It may be that Paul is referring to divorced persons in v.8-9, but it is far from certain, and in light of his teaching on divorce in v.10-16, it seems odd that he would speak to the subject of remarriage after divorce in such an indirect way here. Furthermore, it is important to recognize that Paul does not say that marriage is morally right whenever a person burns with passion. You can’t use a lack of sexual control as an excuse to marry an unbeliever, for example, because such a marriage is outside of God’s revealed will for every Christian. If remarriage after divorce is likewise disallowed, as I have argued from other Scriptures, then burning with passion is not an acceptable reason to disobey God’s word. Findlay offers this insightful conclusion: “Better to marry than to burn; but if marriage is impossible, better infinitely to burn than to sin.”
Even in this difficult issue of deciding between singleness and marriage, Paul’s teaching points us away from ourselves and to the Lord. Each one of us must live according to the gift that he has received from God. We should not judge one state – married or single – as superior, but recognize that it is the Lord who determines which state each of us occupies. We should seek to identify the gift we have from the Lord and glorify God with it, whether singleness or marriage.