The third paragraph of the body of the church covenant continues with the focus of our responsibility toward one another as church members, especially how we can guard against unnecessary conflict and taking offense.
“…to cultivate Christian sympathy in feeling and courtesy in speech…”
A farmer, if he wishes to be successful, does not simply go out into some field and scatter seed. Instead, he spends many hours laboring to prepare the soil by tilling it, breaking up the hard ground so that it will receive the soil. And he also exerts much effort to prevent his crop from being destroyed by weeds or pests. The life of a farmer is not leisurely, because crops do not produce abundantly without cultivation, and the same thing is true when it comes to sympathy in feeling and courtesy in speech. The first of these, sympathy, is to feel what another feels or to be affected by the emotions of others and respond with emotions of the same kind, if not the same degree of feeling. In other words, when one member suffers, we ought to feel kindness and compassion, and when one member triumphs, we ought to feel joy and satisfaction. Paul says the same thing in Romans 12:15, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” But this kind of brotherly affection does not happen by accident. That is why the covenant says we will cultivate sympathy, because it takes aim and effort to achieve. We must determine to break up our hard hearts and pull up the weeds of selfishness, envy, and jealousy that will prevent us from being truly sympathetic with one another.
The second crop that we must seek to produce is courtesy in speech. This is especially difficult in a time when our culture is growing more and more course with each passing year. The rise of social media and the seeming anonymity of the internet have contributed to the overall rudeness of speech that has become accepted as normal. As Christians, however, we must resist this trend in our society and instead labor to cultivate speech that is gracious, polite, and respectful, even when we are expressing disagreement. While some people have bought into the idea that we must speak crudely or harshly in order to be heard, the apostle Paul reminds us in Col. 4:6 that our speech is to “always be with grace” and at the same time, “seasoned with salt.” Our words to one another can be courteous and respectful and also be penetrating and powerful. We can and ought to make every effort to speak politely to our fellow members.
“…to be slow to take offense, always ready for reconciliation and mindful of the rules of our Savior to secure reconciliation without delay.”
This last line of the paragraph deals with how we respond to impolite words or unsympathetic attitudes within the church body. While we must make an effort to cultivate sympathy and courtesy, the reality that we all must face is that we are sinful creatures who will inevitable fail to do what we know we ought. This means that, if you are a church member, you will inevitably be on the receiving end of someone else’s disrespectful or thoughtless actions. In order to prevent every potential conflict from becoming a major disruption in the body, we commit to being slow to take offense. This means that we must be willing to overlook minor issues, choosing to ignore them whenever possible and assuming the best possible motive when there are other, more sinister motives from which to choose. Many of the petty conflicts that arise between church members, and even some major battles and church splits, could be avoided if we would simply take seriously our commitment to be slow to take offense.
To be always ready for reconciliation speaks of our general attitude in dealing with conflict. Any time there is a disagreement between brothers, we should be ready to reconcile at the earliest opportunity. We have a tendency make unrealistic demands or to expect that everyone else compromise with us, while we may be completely unwilling to make a move toward those with whom we have a disagreement. Instead, as David wrote, we should “seek peace and pursue it,” which is part of what it means to fear the Lord. There ought to be, within our congregation, a general pressure toward reconciliation rather than away from it, so that not only will be be ready to reconcile at all times, but we will seek to be reconciled as soon as we become aware of a conflict.
Jesus taught this very clearly in the Sermon on the Mount when he said, “if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Agree with your adversary quickly, while you are on the way with him, lest your adversary deliver you to the judge, the judge hand you over to the officer, and you be thrown into prison.” He was saying that whether you are the offender or the offended party, you must be reconciled to your brother before you can offer acceptable worship to God. This is the principle on which our covenant’s statement here is based, and we would do well to consider whether we are quick to reconcile and quick to seek reconciliation, both of which are necessary to maintain harmony within the church.