In the poetic books of the Old Testament, we find some important teaching on the subject of marriage that is rooted firmly in the original creation design of Genesis 1 & 2. While the books of Job and Psalms do not speak much about the nature of marriage, the books of Proverbs and Ecclesiastes contain instruction about the dangers of sexual indiscretion, praise for the God-ordained union of man and wife, and descriptions of the desirable qualities to be sought in a spouse. The Song of Solomon contains extensive poetry illustrating the kind of romantic love that God intended for married couples to enjoy. First we will examine the wisdom of Proverbs and Ecclesiastes, and later we will survey the Song of Songs.
Proverbs 5:15-19 – In this chapter of the book of Proverbs, a father is warning his son about the dangers of sexual immorality, saying that it will cost him his honor (v.9a), vitality (v.9b), wealth (v.10), health (v.11), and self-respect (v.12-14). Instead of listening to the tempting words of the immoral woman, however, in v.15-16 he is counseled to “Drink water from your own cistern, and running water from your own well. Should your fountains be dispersed abroad, streams of water in the streets?” The imagery here is especially powerful when we remember that Israel is an arid climate where water is a scarce commodity; no one with any wisdom would pour out their precious water in the streets. The metaphor becomes clear in the next verses: “Let them be only your own, and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; and always be enraptured with her love.” Sexual pleasure is not disgraceful or shameful in any way, when it is enjoyed by a husband with his wife. In fact, Solomon tells his son that he ought to be intoxicated by his wife’s love, that he is to be so captivated by her that he can no longer restrain himself. Indeed, it is only within the covenant bond of marriage, that a man is allowed to become “drunk,” although with desire for his wife and not with alcohol!
It is worth noting briefly that this passage speaks only of the husband’s pleasure with his wife, and no mention is made of the woman’s sexual desires. The context here is a father’s instruction to his son, but the principles apply just as well to women as to men. A wife ought to openly communicate her own sexual desires to her husband and seek fulfillment and pleasure within her own marriage.
Proverbs 12:4 – “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness to his bones.” Because of the one-flesh nature of marriage, a wife has tremendous potential either to adorn her husband with honor or to suck the life out of him. If she is excellent, literally “a woman of strength,” then her husband will be honored by her, but if she acts shamefully or foolishly she will ruin his life from the inside out. As Delitzsch says, “an unhappy marriage gnaws at the marrow of life, it destroys the happiness of life, disturbs the pursuit, undermines the life of the husband.”
Proverbs 18:22 – “He who finds a wife find a good thing, and obtains favor from the LORD.” Is marriage really a good thing? Is it something that ought to be encouraged and pursued? Genesis 2:18 is clear when God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him,” and Proverbs 18:22 agrees. Marriage is part of God’s good design and his wise provision for man. While singleness has some distinct advantages (we will consider them when we get to 1 Cor. 7), in general it is God’s intention for men and women to marry, and life-long singleness is something which God grants to a minority by his grace and for his own purpose. This statement by Robert Alden seems to be a gross understatement: “In general wives are assets to men.”
Proverbs 21:9,19 – “Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman,” and “Better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman.” What a tragic and twisted picture this is of the hen-pecked husband and his nagging wife! It does not resemble God’s creative design of a “helper comparable” to the man. In fact, it is a rejection of marriage as the Lord ordained it with a sad and painful substitute in its place. And lest we think that this is a minor issue, Solomon speaks of this concern at least three more times in Proverbs 19:13, 25:24, and 27:15-16! Arguments and abuse have no place in the covenant of marriage.
Ecclesiastes 9:9 – “Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain life which He has given you under the sun, all your days of vanity; for that is your portion in life, and in the labor which you perform under the sun.” When the Preacher says that your life is “vain,” he simply means that it is fleeting and brief, and marriage adds joy and purpose to it. This is marriage as God designed it to be: joyful, life-long, and meaningful.
There is still more to be said about marriage from the book of Proverbs, especially when we look at the famous (or infamous!) chapter 31, but that will have to wait until next time.