How often do you praise others? And how does that compare with how often you criticize? Sometimes Christians are hesitant to offer praise for fear that someone might become proud, or we focus only on the depravity of mankind and assume this excludes any appreciation or approval of humanity. In The Happy Christian David Murray describes this common attitude, “If someone is praised, get a criticism in quickly. If someone does well, remind him and everyone else of his previous failures. If someone gets a promotion, ‘Well, what goes up must come down (we hope).’” Sadly, this negative spirit has a powerful corrosive effect on our happiness and others’.
PRAISE > CRITICISM = POSITIVE+
Instead of trying to keep everyone around us humble, Murray suggests that we need to learn to praise others and seek to build them up. This should become more than just an occasional act but a habit of life. He gives ten encouragements to become a better encourager.
First, encouragers imitate God. Murray says, “God praises people. Far-from-perfect people. Sinful people….There may be bad things in their past, their present, or their future, and yet God praises them and inspired the biblical authors to record that praise.” God praised Noah, Job, and Nathanael for their virtue, and a Roman Centurion and Canaanite mother for their faith.
Second, Murray says that “God is glorified when we recognize and highlight the work He is doing in other people.” We don’t diminish God’s glory when we praise others, if we take note of what he is doing in their lives. Consider Paul’s example in Romans 1:8 where he says, “I thank my God through Jesus Christ for you all, that your faith is spoken of throughout the whole world.” Was he encouraging the Roman believers? You bet. Did this diminish God’s glory? Not at all. In fact, he was highlighting God’s grace that was so evident that the whole world took note of it.
Third, we should not limit our words of encouragement only to the born again. As we noted last time, God’s grace is evident in all people throughout the whole world. And while we don’t want to give the unsaved a false impression that everything is fine when it most certainly is not, we may use the blessing of praise to point them to Christ. As Murray notes, “To affirm the beauty of their character is to draw attention to the undeserved grace that God has bestowed upon them in the form of fain echoes of Jesus.”
Next, Murray says that we must not wait for perfection in order to offer praise. So what if they are imperfect? Can you identify something that is good, something that is improving, even if it is not yet perfect? Sam Crabtree states that “Affirmation is not about lowering standards. It is about commending incremental progress toward those standards as those standards reflect the character of Christ.”
Fifth, offering encouragement helps the less-than-perfect to grow toward greater perfection. “Just recall,” Murray says, “who helped you learn at school or make progress in sports. They were the teachers and coaches who praised and encouraged you, weren’t they? Praise opens our ears and pushes us through the pain barrier.” On the other hand, constant criticism has the effect of making us defensive or helpless to change.
Sixth, being an encourager can open up the door for the gospel. When people think that Christians are judgmental and harshly critical, they have a tendency to run the other way, but by being winsome and gracious, we may disarm their fears. Again, Sam Crabtree offers a helpful perspective when he says, “Affirmation is a way to gain a hearing for the gospel….Our listeners will be more inclined to hear us if they believe we’re not angry at them, but grateful for them.”
For encouragement to be most effective, it needs to be genuine. That is, “Honest encouragers…give bronze praise to bronze achievements and gold to gold standards.” If we praise someone only to get something from them, or only to cushion the blow of some criticism we really want to share, they will know that the praise is false, and it will lose its impact.
The eighth principle of encouragement is that encouragers strengthen others. Numerous studies have been done which suggest that people who receive regular encouragement work harder and are more productive, are at a lower risk for heart disease, and experience fewer illnesses. Murray challenges us to “think of how you could strengthen a family member or a fellow believer by helping her identify one of her strengths or gifts and encouraging her to exercise that gift.”
Ninth, Murray notes that encouragement is good in private, but it is also good to offer public praise. “Building an open and transparent pattern of public encouragement will, one hopes, ‘infect’ others and spread the habit.” Wouldn’t our church be a much happier and more pleasant place if we developed a culture of public encouragement?
And last, encouragement takes discipline. We cannot let ourselves off the hook by saying that we are naturally more critical. That may be true, but it is also true that we are naturally very sinful, and yet as Christians we cannot allow ourselves such excuses. Being encouraging is a discipline we can develop through careful practice until it becomes natural.
Constructive Criticism
Does that mean we can never criticize anyone or anything? No. But there are several guidelines to follow whenever we must criticize. To be effective, criticism needs to appear against the backdrop of regular praise. It should be infrequent, specific, majoring on the majors, and be supported by evidence, intended to build up rather than tear down, preceded by prayer, and accompanied by a calm and cool spirit. If we are humble, people will be much more open to our criticism, and we will be more open to offering them praise, and that’s a positive thought!