We are living in a culture of entitlement, where even many Christians expect to receive all sorts of benefits without doing anything strenuous or difficult to achieve them. David Murray in his book The Happy Christian warns that this mindset “destroys initiative, independence, inventiveness, resourcefulness, motivation, the fear of consequences, and the link between cause and effect.” Not only does it depress such important life skills, but Murray says entitlement “promotes indulgence, jealousy, conceit, laziness, and self-centeredness. It creates bad winners and bad losers.” What is the solution to this entitlement mentality that has taken over so much of society?
GIVING > GETTING = POSITIVE+
In Acts 20:35 the apostle Paul instructed the elders of the church at Ephesus, saying, “remember the words of the Lord Jesus, that He said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’” The fact that this quotation is not found in any of the Gospels should not trouble us, for among the first Christians no doubt there were many other sayings of Jesus circulated than were recorded in the four Scriptural accounts of Jesus’ life. Murray begins this 8th chapter by offering ten reasons why giving is better than getting and will lead to a more positive outlook and greater happiness. Let’s look at a few of them.
First, because the Scriptures command us to give – in both the Old and New Testaments – we are obeying God when we give. And God’s commands were given to elevate our lives, not to make us miserable or to spoil our happiness. In a related point, Murray notes that our giving is an act of submission to the Lord. It is by sacrificial giving that we submit our wallets to the Lordship of Christ and give a powerful testimony of his authority over every area of our lives.
Another reason we should give is that it displays the generous heart of God. James 1:17 says, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights.” The Lord is the true source of every good gift, so when we give we imitate his largess. Of course nowhere else do we see this displayed as profoundly as in the gospel. God’s generosity in giving his own Son for our sins ought to lead us to give even more sacrificially and lovingly.
One other benefit of generous giving is that it teaches us to trust in God’s provision. Murray notes, “The biggest deterrent to giving is fear, the fear that if I give away too much, I wont’ have enough for this or that. When we give sacrificially, above and beyond what is comfortable and easy, we express our faith and trust in God to provide for us and our families.”
And let me add that we should not think of giving as merely financial but personal, as we give of our time, energy, attention, commitment, etc., and trust the Lord to provide the resources we need to do all that is required of us.
Giving Thanks
Gratitude is an often overlooked area of Christian stewardship, “a powerful force for creating positive changes in individuals, families, and organizations.” Grateful people tend to be more energetic, happier, less stressed, more resilient, and are less likely to compare themselves negatively with others.
Real gratitude involves more than just saying “thank you,” it means having an attitude of appreciation, a sense of wonder and amazement at the good things we experience. If we look below gratitude to find its foundation, I think we would see humility – a sense of undeserved merit. For this reason, Christians ought to excel at the display of gratitude, because we know that everything good we receive is a gracious gift from God for which we should be truly thankful.
Giving in Marriage
According to Murray the primary question people ask in marriage is, ‘What can I get out of it?’ Especially, ‘What sex can I get out of it?’” But what happens when we invest our time, money, emotions, and sexual energy into marriage without getting the expected payoff? All too often, separation and the search for someone else who will give us a better return on our investment.
It should not surprise us to find out that we are going about this backward, according to God’s word. Instead of seeing what we can get out of marriage, we should be asking, “What can I give to my spouse?” This is certainly not easy, yet we must keep this goal in mind, says Murray, “that eventually each of us gives so much of self away, each has all of the other, and the two become one; we lose so much independence and become so interdependent that we become ‘one flesh’ in every way.” We must trust God that giving is better than getting in marriage.
Giving Forgiveness
There is a great deal of misunderstanding when it comes to the subject of forgiveness, and Murray helpfully reminds us that we must pattern our forgiveness after God’s. This involves five basic elements.
First, God is willing and ready to forgive everyone, and we should be, too. This disposition can only be achieved by the power of the gospel in our hearts. Second, God offers forgiveness to everyone, even though he does not actually forgive everyone. In the same way, we must offer to forgive all, knowing that we cannot forgive their sin against God. Third, God does not forgive those who ignore his offer. While we should be willing to forgive everyone, forgiving someone before he or she repents actually obscures the picture of God’s forgiveness and avoids dealing with serious issues. Fourth, God’s forgiveness is conditioned upon the offender wanting forgiveness and turning from their sin. Those who refuse to repent need to be reproved. Fifth, God’s forgiveness produces reconciliation on both sides, and so should ours. Murray offers this concluding observation: “This is the kind of forgiveness that most glorifies God, most benefits the offender, and most satisfies the offended.”